Lost.

Recently, I have been finding myself drained. I have found myself to be lost in my relationship with my signifiant other, my friends, but also and more importantly, lost in my relationship with God. I have been in a constant state of emptiness, grumpiness, and bitterness. This has had a devastating affect on my mental health, as well as my relationships. I have been endlessly wondering where I went wrong – how can I fix myself?

Then a thought occurred to me. One that for some reason, had never come to me before. I don’t have to fix myself. Why had this not come to my mind? I have been spending so much time working on myself when I need to be working on my relationship with God. I have been obsessed with my own life. I have been constantly updating my social media profiles, texting friends and sharing posts.

I have been obsessed with my own life. I have been constantly updating my social media profiles, texting friends and sharing posts. I have forgotten God. The one person who has been there through everything. The one that will never forsake me – never gives up on me.

To put this into perspective for myself, I compared my relationship with my friends to my relationship with God. Had I forgotten about my relationship with my boyfriend or friends, it’s likely that I wouldn’t have a relationship with them anymore. At least not like I’d had before.

Do I usually forget about my close personal relationships on Earth? Not really. Why does this occur? Why is it so easy for me to forget about God, My Heavenly Father, The one that SAVED me? However, when it comes to my friends or boyfriend, I pursue these relationships and do whatever it takes to keep them. I don’t forget about them.

God is the one that I should be pursuing even when I’m tired or don’t feel like praying. God is the one I should be putting my time and energy into multiple times throughout the day. I know these things. I know I need to be doing this. So why is it so hard?

Let’s face it. We have an enemy that doesn’t want us to have a relationship with our Father. He will do anything to stop it. When we forget about God and invest our time elsewhere, our enemy uses that as leverage. As we start drifting from God, the enemy starts working and luring us further away. This is how people get lost. The further we get, the less we pursue our relationship with God, the easier it is for the enemy to convince us we don’t need God.

I am thankful that I wasn’t so lost that I stopped believing I needed God. I do need Him. To challenge the enemy, I am fasting from social media. Instead of scrolling endlessly through Facebook, updating my Instagram to show people how happy I am (which wasn’t true). I am going to use that time to read my Bible. To pray and speak to God. To meditate on the Word. I will not let the enemy destroy my life and my relationships with my friends and most importantly, my God.

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:18)

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